Musical Epitaphs & Headstones

The following are all based on the lyrics of the late, great Cole Porter.

Here lies Miss Mimsey Starr -
She got pinched in the Astor bar

Here lies poor old Martin Hupp -
He crossing the bridge when the bridge was up

Reggie's rather scatterbrained -
He dove in when the pool was drained

Here lies Captain Gregg -
He got termites in his wooden leg

Here lies poor dear Blanche -
Got run down by an avalanche

Here lies Professor Munch -
He ate his wife & divorced his lunch

I've been to a marvelous party.... The following were are based on the brilliance that was Noël Coward.

Mrs. Wentworth-Brewster

Choked on the olive from her nightly booster
After an Italian rooster abruptly goosed her

Madame Arcati

Some called her scatty, or a little bit batty
But this rare medium lived a life well-done

Augusta Worthington

Her daughter never acted upon the stage
Which cause her mother much ire and rage

Telegram to Gertrude Lawrence upon her marriage to Richard Aldrich:

Hurrah, hurrah for Mrs. A
At last you are deflowered
I love you this and every day,
Sincerely, Noel Coward

Article written by Janice D. McDonald