Who Sunk Battleship? The Critics, That’s Who!

In the immortal words of Hasbro’s naval combat game, “You sunk my Battleship!” Well, you didn’t sink it but the majority of critics did. The consensus seems to be to hold out for the DVD. At $12 for a movie ticket (double that if you add popcorn and a drink) compared to $1.50 for a blue-ray at Redbox, I’ll take their advice.

The cast alone, Liam Neeson aside, should tell you this is a clunker. Based on what I’ve read, I don’t even think that Tom Cruise could have saved this one. Critics think it is a really, really bad copy-cat of Transformers but with big boats. I feel the need to share my favorite bad review quotes:

“Battleship is a board game for children, so it stands to reason a film adaptation would also be aimed at kids. But did they have to gear it to really dumb kids?” – Rene Rodriguez Miami Herald

“The worst humans-fighting-aliens movie I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot of humans-fighting-aliens movies.” – Joe Neumaier, New York Daily News

“Misguided in the extreme. A scene in which Kitsch and co aim blindly for the broadest of targets – and miss by miles – proves painfully apt.” – Matt Glasy, Total Film

“Battleship has the IQ of a rutabaga and doesn’t require much more intelligence than that to watch. Despite spending copious amounts of time with back story and so-called character development, it’s really all about the explosions.” – James Bernardinelli, ReelViews

“What’s the word on the film debut of Rihanna, playing a sass-mouthed petty officer? Dreadful (ella, ella).” – Joshua Rothkopf, Time Out New York

That last one is my favorite, ella, ella. Just when I thought nothing could be more dreadful than that Rihanna song she goes and makes a movie, “Boom!”

The trailer seems to have the best parts of the movie.

It wasn’t a total sinker. Some people liked it. Mike Ryan from the Huffington Post loved it and professed it in a love letter to Battleship. If you saw it, leave us a comment with your own critique.